How to improve your relationship

One puzzle piece to a happier life is the quality of your relationships. In this blog, I will share some of the things I have learned about relationship improvements. 

I some of the examples, I still struggle from time to time. That tells me it is hard to walk the talk, even though you know the medicine.

Focus on the right things

Put your partner always first. It is not about you. If you are having problems in your relationship, it is because you are focusing on yourself. You probably think about why you are not getting the things you need from your partner. 

Instead, turn your thoughts around and start to give, and I promise you that you shall receive. 

The best thing you can give is your time. That is especially true when it comes to your children. When you spend time with them and show an interest in their doings, they will show an interest in you. 

For example, I recently brought my son into our forest and trained him to cut down big pine trees with a chainsaw. (He is eighteen and has got his driving license) He turned to me during the coffee break and said: "-Dad, you are the greatest."

Express your feelings

One of the differences between men and women when it comes to communication is this:

The woman is a so-called "collector", and here is why; When we lived in caves, the man was the hunter. The woman's job was to collect herbs, barriers, and all sorts of things suitable for the household. The man's job was to provide food on the table. 

 As the collector, the woman needed to remember everything, such as feelings, colors, smell, sense, etc., so that she could find her way back to the places where she found the plentiful supply.

That is why you shouldn't reply with just one word when your wife asks you how your day was. She wants you to elaborate, throw in some feelings, tell a funny story, anything opposite from just "Good," which is the typical answer she will get from her man.

So, guys, try to say more than just one word when communicating with your girl.

I once heard a funny story that a girl uses about 4500 words a day, while a man uses 2500 words. When the man comes home from work, he has used about 2450 words, and the woman has used about 3500. Imagine 50 remaining words against 1000. 

No wonder why some marriages don't last due to a lack of communication 

A man that both can be strong, masculine, caretaking, and at the same time express his feelings, will have a great life with his woman.

The more vulnerability you express, the stronger you'll become in the eyes of your woman, believe it or not.

However, if you are a constant pleaser, your partner will not respect you. Make sure you have your interest and ideas. Be an alfa male and take control when needed but make sure you listen to your partner along the way.

Love unconditionally

If you are a man, always stand tall when your partner is testing you, and believe me, she will. The reason why she is testing you is to see if your love for her is unconditional.

To some guys, including me, this seems a bit illogical. She might be jelling at you for no reason or make some unfair remark. What she wants is for you to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay and that you love her.

 She wants you to listen to her and for you to experience her feelings. If you don't acknowledge her feelings, you are in trouble. She doesn't want you to fix her problem.

Men who don't understand this either withdraw themselves, fight back, or fix the problem. None of these things work, and the only thing that happens is that it gets worse.

Forgiving and let go.

If you fought, be the first to let go of your ego and forgive, forget, and let go. 

Admit that you were wrong and say that you love her and like to move on. Please take responsibility for the argument and let her know that you have understood her point of view. 

When you admit that you were wrong and you will change, she will do the same. 

However, sometimes it is good to blow off some steam. It is worse to hold things within. Eventually, it is going to burst out anyway.

When you argue, always talk in I-tense. I feel that ….. or My experience when you….

 It takes the edge of the argumentation. 

Pour your love into your beloved one

Overflow your beloved one with attention. Remember when you just had fallen for each other, and you walked on some fluffy white clouds. How much love did you pour into one other? All lot, am I right?

Compare it to where you are now in your relationship. Are you getting a different result? Perhaps you want to find your way back to the same emotions you had when you first met. What can you do?

Well, spend more time together. Remember the six human needs: Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love, Growth, Contribution. Try to fulfill all of the needs together.

Visualize a great relationship

If you can see it in your head, you can hold it in your hand. Thoughts become your reality, and if you visualize the things you want in your relationship, you will attract just that into your life. You have to do it over and over again and with real emotions and beliefs. 

If you focus on the things you don't want, you are attracting more of the same. Instead, think back on the things you remembered from the days you got married, and you were madly in love with each other. 

How did you feel at that time? What were you focusing on, and what did you say to yourself? Put yourself back in that situation. Clench your fist and anchor that feeling. 

You can then revisit the same feeling whenever you clench your fist again.

Remember that you are the captain of your feelings and fill your mind with the positive feelings you would prefer.

Learn more about a positive relationship

If you are reading this, you want to learn more, I assume. The best thing you can do is to seek more information in the same area. Knowledge is power, and it is like a muscle; the more you train, the better you will become. 

However, the power is only going to be released if you take action. Start today and put your knowledge into action. 

There are many books on how to improve your relationships out there, together with other helpful information.

Best of luck!

Your friend,

Thomas