How to turn the likable switch on as a leader
Being likable is not a nice to have; it is a need to have. Friendly people are more likely to keep their jobs. Not technical skills, not talent, but likability. They make you feel good and are better at creating results.
The reason is that others help likable people more. Friendly people also experience better service and receive more benefits.
In other words, be a friend, and it will pay off. If I do something for you, your psychology tells you to do something for me. The synonym for this is called reciprocity.
It is essential to be altruistic and not demanding anything back; otherwise, you might come across as trading instead of helping or just being a likable person.
People will forget what you tell them, but they will remember the feeling they experienced when they talked to you.
Make the other person feel important, and they will find you valuable. The Golden rule of friendship: If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves.
Zig Ziglar said that "If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."
How to become more likable
If you say that a person behaves in a certain way, others will subconsciously be more likely to perceive them in that way. An example is if you say that Steve is friendly and likable, he will become that in the eyes of others. Imagine that Steve doesn't act in a friendly way, then people still will find reasons why he is friendly. They might think he is having a bad day or just having a lot on his mind right now.
So with this knowledge, let others talk positively about you. New people that you haven't met, but who have heard positive things about you will perceive you as friends right away.
To give credit to someone through others is also an effective way of having people liking you. People talk to each other, and the appreciation will eventually reach the intended person. In the end, the person will perceive you as more likable, and you will get what you want.
The opposite is also valid. If you send out criticism, it is like a carrier-pigeon, it will always come back to yourself.
The best way is to give credit to a person is in front of others. Social recognition is a powerful way of reinforcing a preferable behavior.
Ask others for a favor, and they will like you more. By valuing the other person and appreciating their skills and knowledge, it makes them feel good about themselves (Golden rule).
People like people who are like themselves. Try to find common ground. Do you have any mutual interests or something that you both like or dislike?
In organizations, you often find groups that are more negative towards others or top management. The reason could be that the group doesn't feel a belonging or haven't received recognition. The group then finds a common outer threat or negative thing to focus on to feel a connection at least within the group.
By appreciation, communication a sense of belonging, I have turned both negative persons and groups to high performing levels again. This technique I call it to pull, but sometimes you also need to push if it is just behavior we are talking about. Read more about the push and pull leadership here.
Body language
Our communication is happening mainly through our nonverbal behaviors. Here are some ways you can think of when you're working on your likability skills:
Tilt your head while you are talking to someone.
A genuine smile always has a high likability factor.
Do a quick eyebrow raise when you meet someone, and that shows the other person that you like them and are happy to see them.
Leaning in towards others shows them that you are interested. Be aware of not leaning in to fast. In dating situations, the other person might take a step back if you haven't established a strong connection jet.
Point your feet towards the other person.
Subtle touching of the other person's hand can also increase the sincerity and increase your likability.
Lowering your voice into a whisper makes the other person like you more because you show trust in them by reviling secret.
Mirroring is a reliable way of creating a connection. Do it subtly; otherwise, it can come across as you are mimicking them.
Start the interaction with an emphatic statement; "So you…" seem to be happy- that will let the other person talk about what they like the most, namely themselves. "So you…" statement is a good start of opening up a conversation. Continue with more questions, and people are always going to be interested in people who are interested in them.
Friendship formula
The friendship formula consists is a function of the variables Proximity, Duration, Intensity, and Frequency. Everything is needed, but the result can be the same if you compensate one for the other. Let's say you are in a long-distance relationship, and you don't meet that often. But when you meet, it is intense, and you are close together
Proximity- How close you are to the other person. The closer you are, the better.
Duration- For how long does your interaction last
Intensity- How intense is the interaction
Frequency- How often do you meet
Like yourself
For others to like, you have to love yourself. Work on yourself and tell yourself that you are a likable and lovable person. When you are safe in your mind knowing that you like yourself, you have come a long way. It takes continuously practice, but when you are starting to get leverage, you will not only be a more likable person, you will be able to live a more fulfilled and blissful life.
